Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
