The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
