you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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