I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
