I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
