anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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