Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
