You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
