The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
