When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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