I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
