Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
