She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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