I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
