can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
