i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
