WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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