these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
