if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
