Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
