I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
