There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
