Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
