If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
