Just took my morning after pill in the library
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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