you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
