I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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