While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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