My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
