when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
