is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
