It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
