Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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