All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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