help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
