Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
