no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His nipple licking is glorious
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
