Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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