a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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