I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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