I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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