your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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