Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
