I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
