you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
