Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
