Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
