Little spoons don't ask big questions
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
