mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
