am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
