Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
