I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
