I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
