WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
