Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
