The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
