woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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