the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
