That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
