remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my vagina is haunted
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
