took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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